At a loss

An editorial By Karen Cotton

The recent passing of Brad Arnold, 3 Doors Down frontman, and gifted songwriter, and super down-to-earth person has made me incredibly sad, as have some other events in my life.

Brad was gracious enough to let me do a day-in-the-life story about he and his band when they performed at Cheyenne Frontier Days.

I’d have to do some research to find out which year they played at CFD. It was an amazing experience. A friend, Tina, was there and she and I used one of those Flip video recorders to record the interview. We got to watch the band do their soundcheck and we later interviewed Brad at the Contract Acts building.

A lot of people have asked me who were some of your favorite interviews you’ve ever done. And Brad was just a really kind and he was an easy to talk to person.

We talked about music, touring and what a normal day is like for a touring musician.

I’ve never been good at dealing with loss or death or grief. Really who is? Is there such a thing?

When Naomi Judd died in 2022 that also hit me incredibly hard, so hard it affected a lot of my life including my college career and my marriage. B. B. King’s passing in 2015 also made me incredibly sad. I was fortunate enough to interview him twice. The second time was on his bus. And he had just gotten his GED. He had an Xbox he liked to play in his downtime. He told me how he got started playing music. He thought it was really cool that I was a jazz musician and we talked about how closely the Blues and jazz are related. Also how his fingers really hurt playing the guitar because he had to prick them because of his Type 1 diabetes. And I had just started learning guitar and we showed each other our calluses on our fingertips. Later on I was diagnosed with Type Two Diabetes. So now, I know firsthand how painful it is to play your guitar with fingers that have to get pricked for glucometer readings, which is why I prefer piano. B.B. King was a spokesman for a brand of glucometer, too. He invited me to come play with his band for a bit after the show, but I had a deadline for my story and I regret not telling my editor, “Hey, I’ve been invited to play some music with B.B. King, can we wait a day on this article?”

When he passed away I shared his recording with his daughter, Shirley. You all can hear it at the University of Wyoming American Heritage Center.

Merle Haggard’s passing also was difficult.

I regret never meeting or interviewing Ozzy Osbourne, or Ace Frehly, or Brian Wilson, and they’re all gone.

I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe in God.

TobyMac has a newer song called, “Heaven on My Mind,” and he told me about it in the interview I did recently with him. The story will be out in print only after I have his team look it over.

MercyMe, they have a hit song all about death called, “Oh Death,” that KLove has been playing a lot lately.

Also, I have these amazing best friends. They’re twins, and their parents are like my parents. We’ve known each other for years. For years. I was married for 22 years and we have known each other longer. Cancer. Man, I have always, always hated cancer. Their dad could just really use some big prayers. I appreciate the prayer line at KLove for helping me pray about all of this.

When I was 13 after my parents’ divorce I got my first introduction to cancer and what it’s like to watch someone suffer from cancer.

I was a patient at Primary Children’s Hospital for a month. I read books to kids on the cancer ward. They liked my voice and ability to do different funny characters. I loved to make them laugh. I taught them how to write poetry and how to journal. We would do coloring pages together. We talked about how scary needles were. That’s when I first got my first blood draw when I was prescribed Lithium. And they were dealing with ports, IVs and chemo. It was in 1989. I was also dealing with a life-changing diagnosis of bipolar disorder. They talked to me about how scary it was to lose their hair and how other kids made fun of them. And the second time I came back to the hospital I told them about how hard it was at school when kids made fun of me because I was “mentally ill.” Some of my friends I had made on the cancer ward weren’t there when I returned the second time to the hospital.

My mom started donating to St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital that year and never stopped after I told her about the friends I had met. She eventually donated her hair to Locks of Love.

I’ll be 50 this year and I’ve been fortunate. I’ve survived a lot. When you call a crisis line they always ask “do you feel suicidal or homicidal?” and my answer is always no. I will never harm myself or anyone else. I have been blessed to live a very long time. I have an incredible daughter who is 14. She’s so important to me. I would have moved to Nashville a long, long time ago if she wasn’t nearby. The job I’m proud of is being a stay-at-home mom for ten years and giving birth to her emergency c-section. We spent three months in a Nicu together.

I’ve done music a lot, lot longer than writing and I regret not pursuing music as a career instead of writing, yet I’ve always performed in a band or choir in some kind of capacity since I was in elementary school. Brad was only 47 and I am 49 so it just hits harder. I have a lot of regrets in my life. Things I wish I could really change.

Robin Williams he became my penpal after the hospital when I started writing fan letters to him. He was very public about his struggle with bipolar disorder. I feel awful that his letters didn’t survive all the moves that I did but his autographed pictures did. He played Peter Pan in “Hook” and “Think happy thoughts,” was one of my favorite autographs of his and sayings. He always helped me get out of dark times. The entertainment industry has lost some really amazing people. If anything that I’ve learned about is to be kind to other people.

Social media is just full of so much hate, a lot of Ai crafted stories, too, and nobody is policing social media. So, in honor of all of the people we have lost I am going to be taking a break from social media for a bit. There are studies about how social media can really affect your overall mental health negatively. And I wonder what if everyone also takes time to spend more time with their family, friends, loved ones or even volunteering?

Maybe learn a new hobby. Eat at a new restaraunt, go for a hike or walk, write a hand written letter to someone or write a card, talk to your postal service worker, waiter or waitress, the cashier, or barista and ask them how their day is going. Valentine’s Day is coming up. Why not buy a bouquet and hand out flowers to random strangers or take some bouquets to the homeless shelter or a nursing home or the VA?

Where I work this man brought myself and a coworker a brand new dollar coin and it made our day.

When you read this just go out of your way to make someone smile. Buy the person behind you in the drive-through a coffee, or hold the door open for someone else, or give someone a compliment. The world needs a little Jesus. My co-worker gave me a little Jesus figurine and it was a big help.

Photo of Brad Arnold courtesy of the Associated Press.